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		<title>ESG Today: Week in Review</title>
		<link>https://goodnewsplanet.com/esg-today-week-in-review/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Austin Tang]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 31 Mar 2025 14:44:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[corporate social responsibility]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>This week in ESG news: EU Council approves delay of sustainability reporting regulations; ING becomes first major bank with approved science-based financed emissions targets; PwC study finds vast majority of companies are keeping – or raising – climate goals; SEC walks away from climate reporting requirements; Airbus commits to build hydrogen-powered planes; ISSB launches new &#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/esg-today-week-in-review/">ESG Today: Week in Review</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com">Good News!</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7.jpg"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-86690 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7.jpg" alt="" width="1389" height="942" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7.jpg 1389w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7-300x203.jpg 300w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7-1024x694.jpg 1024w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/esg_today_7-768x521.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 1389px) 100vw, 1389px" /></a><br />
This week in ESG news: EU Council approves delay of sustainability reporting regulations; ING becomes first major bank with approved science-based financed emissions targets; PwC study finds vast majority of companies are keeping – or raising – climate goals; SEC walks away from climate reporting requirements; Airbus commits to build hydrogen-powered planes; ISSB launches new tool to help regulators adopt sustainability reporting standards; Lululemon partners to develop sustainable materials for products; new sustainable finance standards proposed for SMEs; energy giants commit more than $700 million for carbon capture project; capital raises for carbon accounting software, building decarbonization tech, green steel, sustainable agriculture solutions, and more.</p>
<p>See below for the highlights of the past week, and get all your ESG news at ESG Today:</p>
<h3>Sustainability Goals, Initiatives and Achievements</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/totalenergies-equinor-shell-to-invest-over-700-million-to-expand-carbon-storage-project/">TotalEnergies, Equinor, Shell to Invest Over $700 Million to Expand Carbon Storage Project</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/kimberly-clark-to-reach-100-renewable-energy-at-kleenex-manufacturing-site/">Kimberly-Clark to Reach 100% Renewable Energy at Kleenex Manufacturing Site</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/frontier-signs-33-million-carbon-removal-purchase-with-enhanced-rock-weathering-startup-eion/">Frontier Signs $33 Million Carbon Removal Purchase with Enhanced Rock Weathering Startup Eion</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/airbus-reconfirms-commitment-to-develop-hydrogen-powered-aircraft/">Airbus Reconfirms Commitment to Develop Hydrogen-Powered Aircraft</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/lululemon-partners-with-biotech-company-zymochem-to-scale-use-of-sustainable-materials-in-products/">Lululemon Partners with Biotech Company ZymoChem to Scale Use of Sustainable Materials in Products</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/ares-acquires-stake-in-900-mw-u-s-solar-and-storage-portfolio-from-engie/">Ares Acquires Stake in 900 MW U.S. Solar and Storage Portfolio from Engie</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/84-of-companies-keeping-or-accelerating-climate-targets-pwc/">84% of Companies Keeping or Accelerating Climate Targets: PwC</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/guest-post-clean-energy-in-the-age-of-ai-striking-the-right-balance/">Guest Post: Clean Energy in the Age of AI – Striking the Right Balance</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/guest-post-melting-hope-can-we-answer-the-glaciers-sos/">Guest Post – Melting Hope: Can We Answer the Glaciers’ SOS?</a></p>
<h3>ESG Reporting</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/eu-council-approves-delay-to-csrd-and-csddd-sustainability-reporting-regulations/">EU Council Approves Delay to CSRD and CSDDD Sustainability Reporting Regulations</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/issb-launches-new-roadmap-tool-to-help-jurisdictions-adopt-sustainability-reporting-standards/">ISSB Launches New Roadmap Tool to Help Jurisdictions Adopt Sustainability Reporting Standards</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/guest-post-interoperability-the-missing-link-in-global-sustainability-efforts/">Guest Post – Interoperability: The Missing Link in Global Sustainability Efforts</a></p>
<h3>Government &amp; Regulators</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/sec-drops-its-defense-of-climate-reporting-rules/">SEC Drops its Defense of Climate Reporting Rules</a></p>
<h3>ESG Services and Tools</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/equifax-launches-financed-emissions-calculator/">Equifax Launches Financed Emissions Calculator</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/jll-acquires-clean-energy-focused-investment-bank-javelin-capital/">JLL Acquires Clean Energy-Focused Investment Bank Javelin Capital</a></p>
<h3>Sustainable Finance</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/ing-becomes-first-global-bank-with-sbti-approved-financed-emissions-reduction-targets/">ING Becomes First Global Bank with SBTi-Approved Financed Emissions Reduction Targets</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/iberdrola-issues-green-bond-linked-to-its-share-price/">Iberdrola Issues Green Bond Linked to its Share Price</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/eu-platform-on-sustainable-finance-proposes-new-standard-to-help-smes-access-financing-for-sustainability-efforts/">EU Platform on Sustainable Finance Proposes New Standard to Help SMEs Access Financing for Sustainability Efforts</a></p>
<h3>Private Equity &amp; Venture Capital</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/carbon-accounting-and-reporting-software-provider-persefoni-raises-23-million/">Carbon Accounting and Reporting Software Provider Persefoni Raises $23 Million</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/gridpoint-raises-45-million-to-expand-platform-to-decarbonize-commercial-buildings-stabilize-grids/">GridPoint Raises $45 Million to Expand Platform to Decarbonize Buildings, Stabilize Grids</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/innoenergy-muscling-up-to-mobilize-e160-billion-in-clean-tech-investments-by-2030/">InnoEnergy “Muscling Up” to Mobilize €160 Billion in Clean Tech Investments by 2030</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/gravithy-raises-65-million-to-decarbonize-steel-industry/">GravitHy Raises $65 Million to Help Decarbonize Steel Industry</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/just-climate-invests-25-million-in-sustainable-agriculture-solutions-provider-greenlight-biosciences/">Just Climate Invests $25 Million in Sustainable Agriculture Solutions Provider GreenLight Biosciences</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/theion-raises-e15-million-for-low-cost-alternative-to-lithium-batteries/">Theion Raises €15 Million for Low Cost Alternative to Lithium Batteries</a></p>
<h3>Sustainable Investing</h3>
<p><a href="https://www.esgtoday.com/fidelity-international-raises-over-330-million-for-climate-impact-focused-real-estate-fund/">Fidelity International Raises Over $330 Million for Climate-Focused Real Estate Fund</a></p>
<p><a class="a2a_button_facebook" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgoodnewsplanet.com%2Fesg-today-week-in-review%2F&amp;linkname=ESG%20Today%3A%20Week%20in%20Review" title="Facebook" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_twitter" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/twitter?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgoodnewsplanet.com%2Fesg-today-week-in-review%2F&amp;linkname=ESG%20Today%3A%20Week%20in%20Review" title="Twitter" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_dd addtoany_share_save addtoany_share" href="https://www.addtoany.com/share#url=https%3A%2F%2Fgoodnewsplanet.com%2Fesg-today-week-in-review%2F&#038;title=ESG%20Today%3A%20Week%20in%20Review" data-a2a-url="https://goodnewsplanet.com/esg-today-week-in-review/" data-a2a-title="ESG Today: Week in Review"><img src="http://goodnewsplanet.com/images/lg-share-en.gif" alt="Share"></a></p><p>The post <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/esg-today-week-in-review/">ESG Today: Week in Review</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com">Good News!</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">86689</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Nearly 90% of Execs Want Compensation Tied to Human Sustainability Metrics: Deloitte Survey</title>
		<link>https://goodnewsplanet.com/nearly-90-of-execs-want-compensation-tied-to-human-sustainability-metrics-deloitte-survey/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Austin Tang]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Jun 2024 14:15:59 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[corporate social responsibility]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Environment and Nature]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good News To Go]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[according]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[anticipate]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[benefits]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://goodnewsplanet.com/?p=85109</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>ESGToday.comESG.AI/ESG-Today/ ESG Today: Nearly 90% of C-Suite execs want compensation tied to human sustainability metrics, Deloitte survey finds, and more&#8230; More than four out of five C-Suite executives agree that they need to be more accountable on human sustainability issues in their companies, and an even higher proportion want their compensation tied to human sustainability metrics, &#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/nearly-90-of-execs-want-compensation-tied-to-human-sustainability-metrics-deloitte-survey/">Nearly 90% of Execs Want Compensation Tied to Human Sustainability Metrics: Deloitte Survey</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com">Good News!</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://esgtoday.com"><img decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-85110 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_1.jpg" alt="" width="777" height="249" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_1.jpg 777w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_1-300x96.jpg 300w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_1-768x246.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 777px) 100vw, 777px" />ESGToday.com</a><a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_2.jpg"><img decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-85111 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_2.jpg" alt="" width="728" height="90" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_2.jpg 728w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_2-300x37.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 728px) 100vw, 728px" /></a><a href="https://esg.ai/esg-today/">ESG.AI/ESG-Today/</a></p>
<h1>ESG Today: Nearly 90% of C-Suite execs want compensation tied to human sustainability metrics, Deloitte survey finds, and more&#8230;</h1>
<p><a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/deloitte_1.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class=" wp-image-85113 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/deloitte_1.jpg" alt="" width="684" height="471" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/deloitte_1.jpg 974w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/deloitte_1-300x207.jpg 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 684px) 100vw, 684px" /></a>More than four out of five C-Suite executives agree that they need to be more accountable on human sustainability issues in their companies, and an even higher proportion want their compensation tied to human sustainability metrics, as they face increasing pressure from stakeholders and anticipate benefits from improvements in workforce well-being, <a href="https://esgtoday.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f89d68518db6e2585b0808206&amp;id=105d547b48&amp;e=b036677e24" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">according to a new study released by global professional services firm Deloitte</a>.</p>
<p>With rising human sustainability challenges, the study indicated that companies are facing a series of risks on these issues, including employee retention at both the worker and executive levels, with 59% of workers and 71% of C-suite respondents reporting that they would seriously consider taking a job with another company that would support their well-being. Notably, 80% of executives said that they would be more likely to accept a job at a company advancing human sustainability, and 61% saying that they would even accept a pay cut to do so.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/mark_vaessen_1.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class=" wp-image-85114 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/mark_vaessen_1.jpg" alt="" width="459" height="324" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/mark_vaessen_1.jpg 1305w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/mark_vaessen_1-300x212.jpg 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 459px) 100vw, 459px" /></a><a href="https://esgtoday.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f89d68518db6e2585b0808206&amp;id=fa2604076d&amp;e=b036677e24" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">How Can a Comprehensive Global Reporting Framework be Achieved?</a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">By: <strong>Mark Vaessen</strong>, Partner, <a href="https://esgtoday.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f89d68518db6e2585b0808206&amp;id=d595089cb3&amp;e=b036677e24" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">KPMG</a> in the Netherlands</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_3.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-85116 aligncenter" src="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_3.jpg" alt="" width="728" height="90" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_3.jpg 728w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/esg_today_3-300x37.jpg 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 728px) 100vw, 728px" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.nasdaq.com/solutions/corporate-esg-solutions/resources/fact-sheets/esg-ai?utm_campaign=utm_campaign=CS-IR-24-25-06-NewsletterInsert-SustainableLensFactSheet-Image&amp;utm_medium=Advertising&amp;utm_source=ESGToday">https://www.nasdaq.com/</a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Nasdaq&#8217;s Sustainable Lens equips you with AI-driven insights to expedite decision-making, boost productivity and intensify credibility. Hear it from Tuck, a user of our platform, who values its ability to swiftly respond to executive questions and comprehend peer and sector disclosures.<br />
Dive deeper than manual research with insights from over 9,000 global companies. Nasdaq Sustainable Lens guides your ESG working groups in:</p>
<ul>
<li>Discovering best practices</li>
<li>Bench-marking against competitors</li>
<li>Monitoring industry trends</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://esgtoday.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f89d68518db6e2585b0808206&amp;id=6a7a047b0f&amp;e=b036677e24" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">Download our Sustainable Lens Fact Sheet</a> and enhance your decision-making prowess.</p>
<p><strong>Also in today&#8217;s news (links at bottom):</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>BlackRock, Temasek Decarbonization Fund Leads $69 Million Fundraise for Carbon Removal Startup Neustark</li>
<li>ECB Reports 35% Emissions Reduction in €367 Billion Corporate Bond Portfolio</li>
<li>KKR, IGNIS Launch Industrial Decarbonization Platform</li>
<li>and more&#8230;</li>
</ul>
<p>Get all the details and more at <a href="https://esgtoday.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f89d68518db6e2585b0808206&amp;id=b099907514&amp;e=b036677e24" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">https://esgtoday.com/</a>.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">85109</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>The comedy of our youth Submitted by Ellen Galick</title>
		<link>https://goodnewsplanet.com/the-comedy-of-our-youth-submitted-by-ellen-galick/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Austin Tang]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Jun 2021 04:10:49 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[jewish]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[airport]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bulb]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[circumcised]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[considered]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[controversy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cost]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[credit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dark]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorces]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drinking #started]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ears]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fetus]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[graduates]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[great]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[interferes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[judge]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[light]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[medical]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[much]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nuisance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[officers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parole]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pleasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reporting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ringing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rottweiler]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[school]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stole]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[suffering]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[thief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tradition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[viable]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wife]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>Imagine! Comedians actually got through a routine without using the “F” word. WHILE JEWISH PEOPLE MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP 50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS You may remember the old Jewish Comics: Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, &#8230;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com/the-comedy-of-our-youth-submitted-by-ellen-galick/">The comedy of our youth Submitted by Ellen Galick</a> appeared first on <a href="https://goodnewsplanet.com">Good News!</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-72764" src="http://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/old_age_associated_press.jpg" alt="" width="600" height="300" srcset="https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/old_age_associated_press.jpg 600w, https://goodnewsplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/old_age_associated_press-300x150.jpg 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 10pt; color: #ff0000;">Imagine! Comedians actually got through a routine without using the “F” word.</span></p>
<p><strong>WHILE JEWISH PEOPLE MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP 50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS</strong></p>
<p>You may remember the old Jewish Comics:</p>
<p>Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny, Sid Caesar, and so many others.</p>
<p>There was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:</p>
<p>* I just got back from a pleasure trip.<br />
I took my mother-in-law to the airport.</p>
<p>* I&#8217;ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years!<br />
If my wife ever finds out, she&#8217;ll kill me!</p>
<p>* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she&#8217;s making love?<br />
&#8220;Honey, I&#8217;m home!&#8221;</p>
<p>* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won&#8217;t be reporting it.<br />
The thief spends less than my wife did.</p>
<p>* We always hold hands.<br />
If I let go, she shops.</p>
<p>* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.<br />
Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.</p>
<p>* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.<br />
My wife called it the Dead Sea.</p>
<p>* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.<br />
That was only for the estimate.</p>
<p>* She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.<br />
Then the mud fell off.</p>
<p>* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.<br />
The man couldn&#8217;t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.</p>
<p>* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, &#8220;Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.&#8221;<br />
Mrs. Cohen answered, &#8220;So did my arthritis!&#8221;</p>
<p>* Doctor: &#8220;You&#8217;ll live to be 60!&#8221;<br />
Patient: &#8220;I am 60!&#8221;<br />
Doctor: &#8220;See! What did I tell you?&#8221;</p>
<p>* Patient: &#8220;I have a ringing in my ears.&#8221;<br />
Doctor: &#8220;Don&#8217;t answer it!&#8221;</p>
<p>* A drunk was in front of a judge.<br />
The judge says, &#8220;You&#8217;ve been brought here for drinking.&#8221;<br />
The drunk says &#8220;Okay, let&#8217;s get started.&#8221;</p>
<p>* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?<br />
They&#8217;re worth it.</p>
<p>* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.</p>
<p>*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.<br />
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.</p>
<p>Q: Why don&#8217;t Jewish mothers drink?</p>
<p>A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.</p>
<p>Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?<br />
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!</p>
<p>A man called his mother in Florida, &#8220;Mom, how are you?&#8221;<br />
&#8220;Not too good,&#8221; said the mother. &#8220;I&#8217;ve been very weak.&#8221;<br />
The son said, &#8220;Why are you so weak?&#8221;<br />
She said, &#8220;Because I haven&#8217;t eaten in 38 days.&#8221;<br />
The son said, &#8220;That&#8217;s terrible. Why haven&#8217;t you eaten in 38 days?&#8221;<br />
The mother answered, &#8220;Because I didn&#8217;t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.&#8221;</p>
<p>A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.<br />
She asks, &#8220;What part is it?&#8221;<br />
The boy says, &#8220;I play the part of the Jewish husband.&#8221;<br />
The mother scowls and says, &#8220;Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.&#8221;</p>
<p>Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?<br />
A: (Sigh) &#8220;Don&#8217;t bother. I&#8217;ll sit in the dark. I don&#8217;t want to be a nuisance to anybody.&#8221;</p>
<p>Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, &#8220;Lady, I haven&#8217;t eaten in three days.&#8221;<br />
&#8220;Force yourself,&#8221; she replied.</p>
<p>Q: What&#8217;s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?<br />
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.</p>
<p>Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?<br />
A: Because Jewish women don&#8217;t like anything that isn&#8217;t 20% off.</p>
<hr />
<p>#pleasure #trip #airport #stole #credit #reporting #thief #spends #wife #ringing #ears #drunk #judge #drinking #started #Jewish #divorces #cost #much #worth #controversy #tradition #fetus #considered #viable #graduates #medical #school #interferes #suffering #great #parole #officers #light bulb #sit #dark #nuisance #Rottweiler #men #circumcised</p>
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