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NYTimes: 4 Silly Ways to Keep Marriage Fun

Austin Tang — Thu, 29 Jan 2026 17:57:59 +0000

Your relationship may be solid, but is it playful?

Credit…Illustration by Matt Chase; Photographs by Shutterstock

My husband, Tom, and I have a series of hand signals that we use when we’re out together. When I shoot him a meaningful look and stroke my chin, that means “I have a piece of good gossip for you.” A discreet tug to my left earlobe means “time to go.” (Although, now that I’ve given it away, this gesture will be retired.)

Secret signals might sound like something from middle school. But they’re also fun.

When you’re an adult, playfulness may not always feel natural. But play helps you cope with stress and increases your life satisfaction. It also helps people in relationships feel closer. Playful behaviors like humor, banter or flirting can also remind you of the early days of your relationship, said John Kim and Vanessa Bennett, a therapist couple who wrote “It’s Not Me, It’s You.”

But playful relationships don’t always happen organically, said Roslyn Ashford, a licensed professional counselor in Mississippi. You have to invent or search for these moments of fun, she added. Here’s how.

Cultivate inside jokes.

Research has confirmed what we intuitively know: Humor is a key element of adult play. So look for small opportunities to add a little levity throughout the day, said Gaya Kodiyalam, a therapist in New York City.

You can cultivate your own lighthearted language, Kodiyalam said. She and her husband have so many nicknames for each other, she said, they rarely call each other by their given names.

They’ve also developed a series of funny rituals. The couple have a special morning hug they call a “waggle.”

These words and habits, “really do build intimacy,” she said.

Gags are another way to build in a bit of fun. For years, Tom and I had a running joke involving Baby Doll, a plastic infant our daughter had covered with magic marker tattoos. Over the years, Baby Doll had grown a grimy and sinister look.

So I would position Baby Doll in various poses — in the fridge, in the shower — to give Tom a scare. Immature, I know. But fun.

Send a silly text.

Dr. Ashford and her partner would text memes and emojis to each other for a laugh, she said.

I told Dr. Ashford that I sometimes try to find the most obscure emojis to send to Tom, without comment, like a lobster or a CD.

Or instead of texting in sentences, Dr. Ashford said, “you could speak only in emoji language,” and have your partner unravel your cryptic message.

A friend of mine texts his husband, who is frequently out of town for work, goofy pictures of their dog to make him laugh. Sometimes it’s a close-up photo of the dog huffing her food; other times he would draw on a jaunty hat or kerchief.

Plan a surprise date.

Kim and Bennett like to take turns devising a mystery date. One person does all the planning, “and all the other has to do is show up,” Kim said. Their dates have included rock climbing and renting a convertible for a scenic drive.

A good source of date ideas, Bennett said, is Airbnb Experiences, inventive activities led by local experts — many of which are not expensive.

The person being surprised should have an open mind and a good attitude, Bennett added. And if the date doesn’t go as planned, you have another inside joke, she said.

Kodiyalam encourages couples in her practice to think of activities that made them feel most alive when they were younger — and figure out how to do “an updated version of it.”

One couple she treated reminisced about scavenger hunts and obstacle courses, so Kodiyalam suggested they try tackling an escape room together. If you both loved to paint as children, you can try a “paint and sip” art class.

Make a game out of a mundane situation.

Add a little lightness to your day by looking for ways you can turn household tasks into a game, Kodiyalam said. You can have a contest to see who can make the most creative dish using ingredients you already have in the fridge or pantry, or who can tidy up an area in your house the fastest.

On a recent slog to the supermarket with Tom, I divided our shopping list and told him that whoever finished first would get a $5 scratch-off card. Lottery tickets don’t inspire the same greed in him that they do in me, but Tom loves a challenge. He raced through the supermarket aisles like a grim-faced action hero, winning the game.

Tom ended up giving the scratcher to me. I won $10. Which I then gave to him.

The post NYTimes: 4 Silly Ways to Keep Marriage Fun appeared first on Good News!.

Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life By Dr. Ellyn Lem

Austin Tang — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 02:17:13 +0000

Listen to “Ellyn Lem interviewed by Paul Sladkus for GoodNews Broadcast” on Spreaker.

“Gray Matters invites readers to reexamine what they think they know about growing old. Offering succinct close readings of richly diverse cultural texts, Lem’s book presents literature as a resource for dealing with the practical and existential concerns of aging. With its interdisciplinary grounding in age studies theory and sociological data, Gray Matters is itself a valuable resource for readers ready to reorient their view of later life.”

—— Erin Lamb, co-editor of Research Methods in Health Humanities

Aging is one of the most compelling issues today, with record numbers of seniors over sixty-five worldwide! Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life examines a diverse array of cultural works including films, literature, and even art that represent this time of life, often made by people who are seniors themselves from all walks of life from the rich and famous to the everyday person in our towns and neighborhoods.

Ellyn has been on multiple programs such as “The Morning Blend” (TMJ4TV – Milwaukee), and she can speak on topics focused on aging such as:

· How people’s personal stories of aging connect with writers’ portrayals
· Senior parents and their adult children
· Housing options
· Memory Loss
· Intimacy
· Men and Women (Differences and Similarities)
· Money, Work and Retirement
· Dealing with the challenges of social isolation during COVID19.

This thought provoking analysis is certain to challenge your audience’s perceptions on aging, as Professor Lem engages in dialogue with others on the recent research exploring how “stories” illuminate the dynamics of growing old by blending fact with imagination. GRAY MATTERS: Finding Meaning In The Stories of Later Life (Rutgers University Press; Paperback; August 15, 2020; $29.95; 978-1-1978-80631-3) will shine light on the fascinating real life experiences of seniors gathered from over two hundred in-depth surveys with a range of questions on growing old, not often included in other age studies works.

Gray Matters combines cultural texts, gerontology research, and observations from older adults that will give all readers a fuller picture of the struggles and pleasures of aging and avoids over-simplified representations of the process as all negative or positive.

“Creative, wide-ranging and well-written, Gray Matters offers a many-sided, complex understanding of late-life. It demonstrates that this period of our lives interweaves our past and present, takes grit, and offers opportunities for positive experiences. For some, learning becomes more enjoyable, as the phrase ‘senior college’ indicates. Gray Matters also skillfully shows that aging occurs in a social context, a fact often overlooked when the process is understood as solely an individual matter.”
—— Margaret Cruikshank, from the foreword

“Lem draws examples from literature, film, television, and a survey of older people to support a wide-ranging and accessible examination of contemporary culture. Especially helpful to those who are new to the field, this book is a welcome addition to age-studies scholarship.”
—— Valerie Lipscomb, author of Performing Age in Modern Drama –This text refers to the hardcover edition.

“Ellyn Lem’s research wasn’t just from gerontology— she surveyed over 200 real people over the ages of 65…. making the experience of reading this book heartfelt and personal. Census facts were fascinating as well. Added pleasures for book lovers, screen lovers of movies, Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Showtime, Amazon Prime, and other network watchers, will be smiling! There are so many fun tidbits and commentaries from literature, film, and television: many favorite authors, books, and screen entertainment is explored and examined throughout!
I found it exciting to read about books & authors I’ve read -and exciting to learn about books, authors, shows, I’ve missed – but now must add to my desire to read & watch lists.”
—— Elsye Walters, Advance Reader from Goodreads

Ellyn A. Lem is a professor of English and Gender Studies at UW-Milwaukee at Waukesha. She teaches a variety of composition and literature courses, including a course, Women in Popular Culture. Her publications include articles on The Hunger Games, Like Water for Chocolate, Arthur Miller and Anzia Yezierska and the book Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life. Lem received her PhD from New York University.

Series: Global Perspectives on Aging
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Rutgers University Press; None edition (August 15, 2020)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1978806310
ISBN-13: 978-1978806313

Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life, will be out Aug. 15th and is available for pre-order now:
from Rutgers University Press, Local bookstores like Books and Company, Barnes & Noble, Amazon and other fine book retailers everywhere.

Read her book Gray Matters on Kindle!

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The post Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life By Dr. Ellyn Lem appeared first on Good News!.