Rethinking Your Teenager: Shifting from Control and Conflict to Structure and Nurture to Raise Accountable Young Adults
by Darby Fox
Publisher: Oxford University Press (January 15, 2020)
The teenage years. . . parents fear this stage, dreading it even while watching their adorable toddlers explore the world. When it arrives, they try to control their teenager, in turn causing their teenager to push back more intensely. It’s a natural instinct on both sides: teenagers are changing in every way while trying to assert their independence, and parents are faced with the challenge of coming up with rules, expectations, and standards for behavior without a genuine understanding of what is happening. But the result of this pattern is a parent-child relationship defined by conflict and reactivity–a breeding ground for stress, anger, and anxiety, all of which reinforce those same cultural stereotypes and worst fears.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. In this book, family therapist Darby Fox challenges parents to redefine the goals of adolescence by reorienting their focus from what they want their child to be to on who they want their child to be. Darby not only equips parents with the insight to understand the changes taking place in their child’s brain and body and support their adolescent’s bid for independence but also offers an approach that allows parents to engage their adolescent in a relationship instead of struggling in an endless battle for control. The book is organized around a series of persistent myths about adolescence, each of which the author tears down with a combination of cutting edge neuroscience research, developmental psychology, and her own mix of clinical observations and experience raising four children.
Darby offers a new model for the parent-child relationship, encouraging parents to let go of the attempt to control their teenager and focus instead on creating mutual respect, providing structure and nurture, and encouraging independence in their developing teenager. She walks through the keys to combining structure and nurture and teaches every parent how to connect with their teen while holding them accountable for their behavior. If parents approach teen years with the same thoughtful preparation, sense of awe and wonder, and responsibility that they do the early childhood years, it can be an enjoyable and rewarding developmental stage that deepens, rather than damages, parent-child relationships.
In an interview on your program Darby can discuss:
• How to create win/win situations when a teen becomes upset.
• How to decode the language of teenagers in order to gain respect.
• How to buck the stereotype that dealing with teens is a headache nobody wants.
• Giving your teen the tools they need to make smart decisions instead of controlling their decisions
• How to debunk the myths of adolescence that make it more difficult to actually handle your adolescent child
• Understanding what is happening in your teen’s mind and body beyond the basics
• How to handle online learning
• and much more!
“Darby Fox is a true champion of her field. Rethinking Your Teenager illuminates the complex lives of teenagers in an in-depth yet accessible way.
This book is a gift not only for parents but for anyone seeking to connect with and understand teens.”
—Kim Messier, wife of NHL hockey legend Mark Messier
“Darby Fox reconciles both the practical and spiritual aspects of what it means to be a parent in the 21st century.
This is not a parenting book. This is a manual for a more uplifting future.”
—Habib Sadeghi, DO, author of The Clarity Cleanse
Publisher: Oxford University Press (February 14, 2020)
About the Author:
Darby Fox, LCSW, is a child and adolescent family therapist in private practice in Connecticut and New York. With over twenty years of experience, she is an expert on parenting, child psychology, and family topics. Appearing regularly on-air and in print media, Fox covers a range of topics, from parenting questions and discipline techniques to current trends in child development. She has also collaborated with Meath Media Group to develop a television series called Fractured Family with Darby Fox. Learn more about Darby @ Darbyfox.com and follow her on social media: IG | Twitter
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