Mommy, I?m Still In Here

One Family?s Journey with Bipolar Disorder by Kate L. McLaughlin “Profound and poetically written?this beautiful memoir offers hope and encouragement to every parent and adolescent who is forced to take this reluctant journey.” Demitri F. Papolos, M.D., and Janice Papolos, coauthors of The Bipolar Child For parents, nothing rivals the pain of losing a precious, promising child to mental illness. Kate L. McLaughlin knows the horror of watching a bright, popular, responsible, and generally cooperative teenager abruptly change into a different, extremely difficult, and dangerously unstable person. She experienced a parent?s worst nightmare firsthand?twice. Two of her three children, now young adults, were diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder during adolescence. Mommy, I?m Still In Here: One Family?s Journey with Bipolar Disorder (Behler Publications; February 2008) is her candid, courageous, and uplifting account of suffering, helplessness, grief, guilt, and acceptance. “I began writing this book to heal myself and clarify my observations and memories about raising children with mental illness,” McLaughlin reflects in her prologue. “I soon realized that, despite the serious topic and the gravity of our trials, telling this story could help the estimated 1.9 million Americans age fifteen and over living with Bipolar Disorder?We hear too little about what is possible in the midst of chronic illness, particularly mental illness, and it is this good news that I share.” For the first seventeen years, parenthood was nearly ideal for Kate and her husband, Mark. After outgrowing her fussy infancy, their oldest, beautiful daughter, Chloe, was consistently a delight. An exceptional student from kindergarten, she also excelled at soccer and made friends easily. Three years later, handsome Michael followed in his big sister?s footsteps, in his own charming, laid-back style. Three years later, Monica arrived, kicking and screaming. She quickly settled down and became an easygoing baby, who basked in being doted on by her siblings and adored them back. When Chloe entered her junior year in high school, in the fall of 1998, everyone?teachers, coaches, and especially her parents?expected her to achieve her goals of maintaining a stellar academic record, getting into a top college, and going on to make significant contributions. By the summer of 1999, she had survived two serious car accidents, started using foul language, and become clumsy, forgetful, moody, inconsiderate, and argumentative. When Chloe was home, the house was a battleground. Then, just as suddenly as she had erupted in anger, Chloe fell into an abyss of depression. Utterly drained, she struggled to get out of bed in the morning and easily dissolved into a shaking mass of tears. Kate realized that her eldest daughter desperately needed medical help. When the family doctor?s antidepressant prescription only made Chloe?s condition worse, Kate knew she had to find a psychiatrist. The second doctor confirmed her fears: Chloe fit the profile for Bipolar Disorder. From the fall of 1999 through 2003, Mommy, I?m Still In Here chronicles the everyday toll and emotional turmoil of living with Bipolar Disorder from the perspective of a frustrated, guilt-plagued parent. As McLaughlin recounts in vivid detail, Chloe endured rounds of cycling, trials and errors with various drugs, fleeting triumphs, crushing setbacks, hallucinations, mania, a suicide attempt, and intensive counseling before accepting the reality of her incurable illness and taking responsibility for managing her symptoms and treatment. As Chloe finally began to regain a sense of stability and purpose, the unthinkable happened: Michael started to behave in disturbing, irrational and contentious ways. Unlike his sister, however, he turned to alcohol and illicit drugs to help him deal with his destructive impulses, raging suspicions, and overwhelming fears. Substance abuse escalated his verbal abuse and threats of violence. Mark would also attempt suicide, as well as narrowly escape being killed by the police, before embracing a positive course of rehab, lifestyle changes, and therapy. Along the way, McLaughlin shares her struggle to stop feeling responsible for taking care of Chloe, to stop feeling angry with Michael, and to stop blaming herself for her children?s illness. As she reveals, her husband?s mother suffered from Bipolar Disorder and her own father was a violent alcoholic. Today, Kate McLaughlin has made peace with her children?s disability, as well as her own inability to heal them. What?s more, she believes that Chloe and Michael would not choose to eradicate their illness if they could. “They would not change what they now see as an elemental part of themselves,” McLaughlin attests. “At this point, despite the obvious difficulties, they consider Bipolar Disorder a factor in the genetic mix that makes them unique individuals.” About the Author Kate L. McLaughlin frequently speaks and writes on the topics of communication, education, family issues, and mental health. Committed to increasing understanding and acceptance of, along with compassion and support for, the mentally ill, she is a member of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance on Mental Illness and the Juvenile Bipolar Research Foundation. She also participates in NAMI?s Family-to-Family program. She lives in the San Francisco area with her husband, Mark, and their youngest daughter, Monica. Mommy, I?m Still In Here One Family?s Journey with Bipolar Disorder Behler Publications Publication Date: February 2008 Trade Paperback Original * 5 _ x 8 _ * 210 pages * $13.95 ISBN: 1-933016-49-3; ISBN-13: 978-1-933016-49-8 For more information, visit: www.behlerpublications.com https://videos.whiteblox.com/gnb/secure/player.aspx?sid=47378