The Journal News, May 16, 2010, “Bedford Author shares experience as widow, how to ‘Move On,'” by Sean Gorman.
How to ‘Move On’ Bedford resident Susan C. Beer’s husband, Andrew, died in December 2008 at age 76 from a heart attack she said was caused by complications related to surgery. His death prompted Beer to write “Move On Without Me,” a book that looks at widowhood and the lessons learned from the experience.
One very important factor in discussing widowhood is the following:?There are 11,398,000 widows in the US. This represents 23.485% of the single woman populace of 57,756,000 over the age of 15. Furthermore, 41.9% of women 65 and older are widows. (These facts were supplied by an article entitled Quick Takes, April 2, 2009, based on figures assembled from the U.S. Census.)
Moving on is without choice. How you do so is your choice. Be it positively or woe is me, your life continues. He is forever in your heart and in your memories. What was enhances you, not depletes you. Be grateful. Focus on what you gained, not what you lost and start a gratitude list. Congratulate yourself on your accomplishments. It may just be getting through the day but you did it. As Annie says, tomorrow is just a day away. One step, one day, after another. Acknowledge your capabilities, praise yourself, as you resolve one issue after another. I did that. I can do this. You are far more capable than you thought.
You are human. You have regrets, coulda, woulda, shouldas.We all do.Transform them into learning experiences–been there, done that and not again. You should be your priority.Be honest with yourself, and others.Only you know what you need, where you are, how you are.No one can answer this or do it for you.
Get up!Get dressed!Get out!Do something that makes you feel good about you–take a walk, exercise, get your hair done or even better have your hair restyled, have a manicure, have lunch or dinner with a friend.And, smile.Not only does it make you feel good, it attracts more of the same. Needy is O.K. It’s like the pregnant woman who craves ice cream with pickles.It’s normal.You have suffered the most horrific loss.
Friendship changes as do friends.Some are there for a reason, some for a season and others for a lifetime.Some will bring you grace.Some are waiting for you to say “I am ready.”Some are afraid.Some will leave.Some will come.It is simply the way it is.
One final issue is the designation “widow” as it goes beyond to a categorization and often an elimination.Friends change, some leave.Invitations cease.When you become again a part of a couple, this miraculously reverses itself.
Although written for widows, Beer said in an e-mail, “Move on Without Me” is also applicable to women who are divorced or separated or to anyone else who has lost a partner. ?Beer recently answered our questions about the book, which will be released later this month.
Q: Why did you want to write “Move On Without Me”?
A: As my husband’s words encouraged and inspired me to move on, I hoped my positive approach to widowhood and sharing my experiences would help others to do so as well. My book isn’t about grieving, family and finances,but about empowerment.
Q: What message do you want people to get from reading your book?
A: Life hasn’t stopped because he passed. My belief is life continues and people have a choice whether to continue on positively or to be “woe is me” and focus on the past and what was. … Either case is OK. It’s their choice.
Q: Where did the title of the book come from?
A: The title derives from a message channeled by my husband – to me via a friend’s son – at the time of his passing: “I want to be with you, but I can’t. Move on without me.”
Q: What lessons did you learn as a result of your husband’s death?
A: I learned to be positive in the worst of times, to be grateful for all that I had, for my wonderful memories, for our time together, and to treat negatives as learning experiences. I learned there was much more that I was capable of and much more I wanted to do–that there was life ahead and that it was enhanced by what had been.
Q: How can people get a copy of the book?
A: “Move On Without Me”is available for purchase as of May 25 at Barnes & Noble,Borders, Amazon.com, your local book stores, as well as through Hatherleigh Pressand Random House.
